So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
