found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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