tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
When are your genitals available?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
