Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.

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(253): View more from Washington

I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips

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(636): View more from Missouri

Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"

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(816): View more from Missouri

I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.

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(813): View more from Florida

He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm

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(708): View more from Illinois

I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway

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(575): View more from New Mexico

All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me

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(512): View more from Texas

Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.

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