So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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