you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
