he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
