My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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