Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
