my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
