I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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