sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
