so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
