i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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