Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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