that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
