I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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