M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Let's paint friendship bongs
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
