This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
