i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
