they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
