Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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