jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
