my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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