just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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