She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
