he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
