I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Randomize
