I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
How does it feel to date your dad?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
