Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
