I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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