your parents love me but you hate me
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think a kid would responsible me up
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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