Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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