Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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