I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
