Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
When did angry sex become our thing?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
