She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
