I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
