You smell like a Billy Joel song
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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