my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
