he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
