And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
don't judge my taste in strippers
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
