I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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