Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
