My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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