The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
