I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
