sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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