did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
