Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
