am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Dignity is for republicans.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
