I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
