The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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