Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
