why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
