actually, I'm a sock model
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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