Please, let me fuck your mom
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
my poor anus
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
