captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
