great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
