We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
