3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
