after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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