I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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