bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I puked a lego.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
