I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
