Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
