Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I need a burrito and a hug.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
