Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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