Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
