I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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